I am very laid-back in the early years - really even up to age 12. I focus more on character, learning right from wrong, doing chores, being kind, playing, etc and really just loving to learn.In the book, "Leadership Education: The Phases of Learning" by Rachel & Oliver DeMille, this is called "core phase".
"Core phase is the basis of an education. It is the basis of a family, and its generations. It is the basis of a society's culture, politics, economy, art, law, government, etc. It is, in short, the foundation of a person - who he or she is and what he or she can and will become. During the core phase, we lay the foundation for all learning and service in the child's life. The 'curriculum' is simply:
- right and wrong
- good and bad
- true and false
- relationships
- family values, especially spiritual culture
- family identity, including family history and mission
- family routines and responsibility
- accountability
- the value and love or work and play
(Leadership Education: The Phases of Learning p. 40-41)
I remember the day that I really internalized this concept of "core phase". We had been homeschooling for several years and I was feeling really good about myself. We were getting in some math, exploring science and figuring out our routines. School was going great!
One day we were sitting as the park with several other homeschool families and were talking about what our kids were learning. My friend, with several young children, spoke up and said, "This week, we are learning how to be kind to each other. That's all we've had time for and it has taken my constant attention." Immediately, the thought went through my mind, "WHAT? On top of the math, science and everything else I need to teach, I also have to teach them to be KIND to each other??!!!" I was instantly overwhelmed! As I look back on it now, I laugh. It's funny. Because of course I had been teaching my kids to be nice to each other but I wasn't really intentional about it. In that moment I felt the entire weight of their character training settle on me.
I went home and thought and pondered and prayed long and hard about it. My answer was to readjust my teaching. I knew that no matter what else I ever taught them, character training was going to be the most important. That I had to be intentional about it, not just hope that it happened in the midst of all of the other teaching.
Another thing I feel strongly about is play time. We can very easily over schedule ourselves and our kids. But in doing so, we loose so much valuable time for them to just play. Unstructured free play. I was going to link an article here on the scientific research backing up the importance of play, but there were too many. Just Google it! There's a ton!
What does this look like at our house? I always have a lesson prepared to teach them. But if they are playing nicely and quietly together - outside, with Lego's, drawing, crafting - I just let them do it. Once they stop playing nicely and start fighting or telling me they're bored, that's when I pull them in and we do the school lesson I've prepared. Some days they play together ALL DAY LONG! And that's okay! The life skills and relationship skills they learn far surpass what they would have learned it I'd pulled them away from their play to "do school". What kind of lessons do I prepare? Here's my article on homeschooling with multiple children.
At the end of the day, character training is something that never really ends. It will always be part of our education. I am STILL teaching my children to be kind to each other! But now that my older boys are adults and all of my children are older, I am seeing the fruits of the years of character training. I can honestly say that I like them! I like hanging out with them and talking to them and I really like the honest, hardworking, funny people they have become!
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